Rather than write a long and boring analysis of the new Indiana Jones movie – which would be both boring and tedious for all people concerned – I’ve decided, instead, to resort to the tried and true List Format, sorting my thoughts about the film into two distinct and wonderful headings. Enjoy!
Things That Made This Movie Awesome
* Fuckin’ Indiana Jones! I mean, Fuck!
* He survives a Nuclear Blast! I mean, C’mon!
* Indy sparking a Greaser / Soc Brawl at the Malt Shop: pure genius.
* Indy riding on the back of a motorcycle into a library, who then dispenses wisdom to the students about “Real Archeology.”
* The Indy Wise-Crack is in full-effect throughout the film.
* The Return Of Marion!
* Getting into the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull: just a hair-breadths shy of being as-cool-as finding the last resting place of the Ark of the Covenant.
Things That Made This Movie Terrible
* “Story by George Lucas”
* Okay, so he survives the blast by hiding in a refrigerator, which is then flung half-way across New Mexico. Both Indy and the Fridge are fine, too.
* CGI Prairie Dogs?
* It’s difficult to adjust to hating Commies in this film after three movies of hating Nazis.
* Harrison Ford’s interpretation of Danny Glover’s, “I’m getting to old for this shit,” is already old before he even says his first line.
* The constant homages to previously successful Lucas vehicles (American Graffiti, Star Wars) only reinforces the fact that this franchise has pretty much run it’s course.
* Getting into the Kingdom of The Crystal Skull: while cool, was just way too similar to getting into the Valley of The Golden Suns in the Duck Tales: The Treasure of the Golden Suns movie from 1987.)