Against The Law, I’m Sure

Secretly Hot Girl
Secretly Hot Girl

I seem to recall a bill that was passed some years back that stated that there would be more hot people on TV, for the general well being of humankind. While it was delayed for some time due to W’s stint in office, and then the writer’s strike, and then the economic downturn, I distinctly remember that things had finally been settled once the election had been settled, and that we would be slated to see the results, “No later than the end of the 2008 – 2009 broadcast season.”

So, where have all the hot people gone? I have been completely unable to find any hot people on TV, and not a single current celebrity has managed to do anything for me since the Secretly Hot Girl from Freaks & Geeks. (Busy Philipps, pictured above, though I was horrified to discover that she is decidedly not hot in just about every other role she’s played.)

Take, for example, Lost. A huge ensemble cast, and every one of them is Hollywood Hot instead of using that large cast to explore the vast expanse of humanity that comes in various shapes and sizes. They were getting a little closer with the introduction of Charlotte (intelligent female Indiana Jones type with an accent and red hair), but in many other ways she was just more of the same old, same old when you get right down to it. (It didn’t take long to bore me with the uncomfortable budding romance between her and Daniel, or her unnecessarily conspiratorial attitude.) While the smart thing goes a long way, I could see her dumping you the moment there’s another Dharma Polar Bear skeleton to dig up.

I would like to re-initiate the campaign to improve the hotness of the performers on TV. I know that my roommate is on board, and there can’t be that many people out there would would disagree. (In fact, I dare anyone to find a person who would admit, “I’d much prefer to have painfully ugly people on TV.”) Sure, TV’s free. And yes, one man’s hottie can sink another man’s boner. But there were, last I counted, about 200 channels, each with 24 hours of daily programming, and most of those shows have more than two actors each.

Do the math; there is room to improve the overall hotness ratio. Write to your congressman today! Do you want to go one more week hoping that the plot of some crappy show will passably keep you entertained for the next hour, when you know that’s not gonna happen? Wouldn’t it be easier if at least one of those people fumbling their way through their lines was at least pretty?

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