Open Letter To The Editor

Yesterday, the Daily Vanguard – the campus MOR paper that isn’t actually a daily – gave a B- review to the movie Robocop (referring to it rather negatively), and also managed to refer to William S. Burroughs as just another “crazy” person. Kids these days. I felt it was my duty to write a letter to the editor, which, sadly, they choose not to print. Fortunately for you, dear reader, I saved a copy:

Dearest Daily Vanguard
RE: Arts & Culture Corrections

I take extreme offense with two things mentioned in the April 15th issue of the Vanguard. First, on page 4, the film Robocop is described as part of the “retro kitsch genre,” and, contrary to popular belief, the title does not, “say it all.” Robocop is a brilliant satire, directed by the Dutch master Paul Verhoeven, and is nothing short of a cinematic masterpiece that has proven itself over, again and again. This film sets the stage for his other incredible social commentaries, Basic Instinct, Starship Troopers, and Showgirls, (all stupendous statements in their own right) and for people with discerning taste and an eye for what was wrong in America circa late ’80’s / early ’90’s, Verhoeven’s films are note-perfect in virtually every way (and telegraphed much of the new comic book / action genre that is popular now). While I appreciate the Vanguard‘s attempt to briefly draw attention to one of the most important films ever made by human beings, the demeaning context and low rating is something you should be ashamed of.

Second: it is unwise for anyone – even in an opinion piece – to refer to a man who owned as many guns as William S. Burroughs did, as “Crazy Person Of The Week.” Even if he is dead now. Trust me, it’s just a bad idea. Not only does this open up a whole can of right-wing, NRA issues that can’t possibly be resolved in any single issue of the Vanguard, but personalities like Burroughs tend to attract lots of fans, who all own lots of guns. Do the math; I attribute my longevity so far to Ginger Ale twice daily, and saying only nice things about people who own lots of guns. Call me crazy, but that’s how I plan to survive into the 22nd Century.

Thank you for your time.

New Discoveries In Latrinalia

Found in three separate stalls in the men’s rooms on PSU campus
(You may have to open the images in a new tab, and zoom in, to read some of these):
Naked Graffiti
Naked Graffiti

Guh? Astronomy Professor?

Naked Graffiti II
Naked Graffiti II

While I’m quite fond of the tagger who admits that his occupation is a waste of time,
I think I like the Haiku the best:



Naked Graffiti III
Naked Graffiti III

Apparently, the gentleman with a green pen must have read my book.
(So does my dick every morning… I should have used that one!)

Naked Trees Point To The North Star

Naked Trees
Naked Trees

Naked Trees Point To The North Star

A New Book From A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., Inc.

Many of you have probably noticed that I haven’t been very social recently. Here’s one of the reasons why.

Part Novel, part ‘Zine, part essay & part Short Fiction, Naked Trees Point To The North Star is my newest creation, and is available now for the first time ever, in both print and electronic forms! That’s right: now you can enjoy the heady thrill of reading, be it through printed text on paper, or the PDF reader of your choice!

Over 90 pages of text spanning time, space, genre & believability are presented within.  Comedy, tragedy, wordplay & abject misery are presented in twelve interlocking stories, culled from the last several years of work, creating a dense and unwieldy collection of prose no mortal can resist!

Additional features include:

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M., Inc.’s Newly Patented “Thought-Experiment Soundtrack”A List of featured content, corresponding to accompanying page numbers, allows for ease of use when looking for a particular piece of text!A Single Page Of Meta-Text allows you to know everything you ever wanted to know, from that pesky copyright notice, to production information… free of charge!

Occasional images break up the English-Language content! Truly a wonder for the visual senses!

Available with or without staples!

Hundreds of obscure references are contained within, making Wikipedia a virtual necessity while reading! (Pun intended!)

It’s all here, with over 40,000 other carefully selected and arranged words, making this the largest project of this kind ever attempted by the author.

If the leisure-pursuit activity of your choice includes the decoding & ingesting of the written word for the sheer enjoyment of mental exercise, then this is a book you can use to that end!

Naked Trees Point To The North Star. It’s my new book. I’m really proud of it. Check it out!

(Product Information: 5 1/2″ x 8 1/2″ staplebound. 96 Pages, black & white, with images. Electronic or print versions. The later is free with purchase of the former, and vice versa.  Send orders to: or 2595 Brooks Ave. NE / Salem OR 97301.)

Read what other readers are writing about this book! (Very meta!)

“It was really good! I’m not much of a literary critic, all I know is I enjoyed reading the stories a lot.”

– Karly Rich, paid family member. (I swear, the check’s in the mail!)

“I liked it! A title is a very important component. No phrase was left unspun, and a great job of writing the ‘fairer sex.’ To Be Concerned is Good is my favorite; I thought the boss’ typo-laden letters were hilarious.”

– Lans Nelson, local female & paid staff member.

“It was a weird reading experience; there’s such an odd mix of humor and despair, intelligence and bafflement, acceptance and frustration, kindness and desperation. Very hard to characterize!”

– Heidi Stauber, Austin’s High School English Teacher, who has received no financial compensation for this statement… yet.

Today I Learned Everything There Is To Learn

Today I Learned Everything There Is To Learn


It has been a while, yes, I know, but I finally produced a new ‘zine to help quell the summer malaise: “Today I Learned Everything There Is To Learn.” In 2005, I acquired a camera, and while I’ve taken some amateur photos before, I found myself enjoying the sport quite a bit, and soon (read: over the next three years) I’d taken an assortment of pictures I felt were ready for the public.

Included in this mini-‘zine are 24 photos w/ captions that highlight my favorite images from that time span. If you would like a copy, all you have to do is ask: send me an e-mail with your physical address included, and your very own paper-bound replica will arrive on your doorstep, at no cost to you! It’s the perfect way to utilize that ancient mailbox on your porch, and enjoy a new A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. product at the same time! Alternatively, you can also hit me up when you see me around town, as I will most likely have a copy on-hand, and will gladly give you one anyway, even if you haven’t asked for one. (Cash donations / trade / etc. will also be accepted, but are not necessary.)

Order Today! Supplies are limited! “Today I Learned Everything There Is To Learn.” A new photo-‘zine by Austin Rich.


NEW PUBLICATION FROM A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Publishing IS NOW AVAILABLE!For the past 10 Years, A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. Publishing has been my brainchild and sole outlet for me to distribute my own (and other people’s) writing to the world around me. In that time I’ve produced almost 40 publications and litterally 1000’s of pages of the written word. While it never occured to me that I’d be doing something like this when I started, about a year ago I resolved to collect samples of my writing from these publications in an attemnpt to paint a textual picture of my particular artistic vision.

And now it’s done!

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. I.t.’s. N.o.t. J.u.s.t. A. W.o.r.d. A.n.y.m.o.r. 10-Year Anniversary Retrospective! (March, 1993 — March, 2003) is now available! Covering my writing from the last 10 years and spanning all of my own ‘zines, what quickly began as a “sampler” of my writing is now a nearly 200 page book containing biographical information, photos, cover galleries, and writing from other sources as well. (Some of which has never seen print in any publication… ever!) The first print run is complete and is limited to 100 copies (each copy is numbered), so now is the perfect time to place an order.

I am currently in the process of setting up a page all about the publication on the web-page (and hopefully I’ll be able to set up a pay-pal account by then), but in the meantime checks, money-orders and cash are (and always have been) accepted. This book is retailing for $10 (add $4 for shipping since this book is pretty heavy… it weighs over 16 ounces… if you’re outside the US the shipping will be more, in which case you should contact me via e-mail and I can get shipping estimates based on where you’re from, etc.). While this is quite a lot more than the single dollar each previous ‘zine has gone for, keep in mind you’re paying for nearly 10 years of material clocking in a just under 200 pages of text (on 8 1/2″ x 11″ pages, no less!). What we ask for in cost we more than make up for in content. Please allow at least 1 week to get orders out to people, considering that I’m printing, collating, folding, stapling & (if necessary) shipping every order myself. These things take time.

Feel free to contact me with any questions you have, and spread the word! I appreciate everything everyone has done for me in the last 10 years, and one of the biggest has been the word of mouth and kind words people have had for me in the past. It’s that kind of attitude that makes me want to loose money on a project like this more often.

Keep your eyes peeled for more A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. news this summer… big things are afoot!

End Transmission.

–Austin Rich

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. I.t.’s. N.o.t. J.u.s.t. A. W.o.r.d. A.n.y.m.o.r. 10-Year Anniversary Retrospective! (March 1993 – March 2003)

A Long Time Ago...
A Long Time Ago…

A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. I.t.’s. N.o.t. J.u.s.t. A. W.o.r.d. A.n.y.m.o.r. 10-Year Anniversary Retrospective! (March 1993 – March 2003)

For the first time since the original release in April of 2003 – which was only available as a limited run at the time, and then disappeared completely shortly thereafter – our 10-Year Anniversary Retrospective is now available again!  This 8 1/2″ x 11″, magazine-sized publication is over 180 pages of A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. related text and images from the early days of this humble publication.

Containing excerpts from High School publications, all my one-shots, and material from the two regularly-produced publications (A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. & I’d Buy That For A Dollar), this monster of a publication is available in its second edition physically (print on demand), and for the first time ever, digitally!

Half biography, and half “best-of,” this collections was one of the last things I assembled before I turned toward school and radio in a very big way.  While much of the material makes me flinch now, this collection took nearly a year to write and assemble, and then experienced a very short shelf-life before it went out of print later that same year.  Technology and time-constraints have prevented me from getting this back into print, so we are extremely excited to offer this again, and for digital readers, for the first time!

If you are the kind of person that likes to watch someone stumble and stagger during their earliest days of wrestling with the written word – and more importantly, if you enjoy people who put their feet in their mouths on a regular basis – then this is the publication for you!